The BIG weigh in

I stepped on the scale this morning and it actually wasn't as bad as what I thought. I figured it would be 5 pounds more. Anyway, now for the number.....

246 lbs

Wow I still cannot believe I have let my weight get that out of control. I weigh a lot more than my husband. That is so embarassing. So I can remember these feelings and problems associated with my weight I wanted to list my reasons for wanting to lose weight and how being this overweight has affected me.

trouble climbing stairs
trouble getting up from ground
knees hurt
ankles hurt
top of feet hurt
body is stiff
take a lot of advil
want to be able to play with child
sweat a lot when hot - could be related to other things but notice this more since I have been bigger
clothes are too tight
difficulty finding cute clothes since I have to shop in big woman's section
scared to sit on chairs and break them. outdoor chair does not hold my weight and it looks like it is sinking in.
out to dinner and have trouble fitting in booth - I fit but my fat roll sometimes touches the table.
have trouble bending over to tie shoes
trouble shaving
want to be healthier. have higher blood pressure.
feel sick after binging on food and am sick of feeling that way
money - Eating out at lunch and sometimes breakfast too is expensive when you do it 5 days a week.
headaches

Okay this is all I can think of for now.

Breakfast this morning consisted of oatmeal and orange juice. For snack I have carrots and ranch. Lunch I have a Healthy Ch0ice meal and salad. Afternoon snack cut up strawberries, grapes, and banana. Dinner is unknown so far.

I can do this right? Am I crazy to think so???? If I don't I know I will end up dead at age 50 of a heart attack or something. I am already concerned about diabetes and scared to go to the doctor for fear of receiving the diagnosis. This isn't fair to my child and I don't want to be like this.

I am done for now. I am thinking it is really going to help writing down all of these feelings even if no one will read them!