It is Sunday night and I am finally ready to start this journey. I have struggled with my weight for years and years. Most recently in the past couple of years I have gained 50 pounds which now puts me at about 100 pounds over weight. Wow, that hurts to even type it. I have a problem with food. I use it to make me feel better. I eat and eat and never can seem to stop when I am full.
My mother always nags me about my weight and has done so for years. My husband doesn't say anything about me being extremely fat but I know he thinks it. I don't hear very often that I look good or pretty anymore. The lack of compliments shows me how he feels. I feel horrible in my skin. I feel everywhere I go people are staring at me and thinking how fat I am. I am ashamed about the sizes I wear now. I am in a 20-22 now. I remember when I was a size 14-16 and thought I was fat!
I think part of the problem is that I am so big, I have been scared to start because I can't imagine losing as much weight as I need to.
As I said before I need to lose around 100 pounds. I have gained around 50 pounds in the last 2 years and 95 total in 4.5 years. I guess I am done rambling. Tomorrow morning it starts.
One final thing. Tonight I told my husband I cut up my fruits and vegetables for work tomorrow and that I was starting health eating and was serious. His response was "yea right." I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry right there. He has lost some weight recently but isn't exactly skinny. Oh that really pissed me off. With or without his support I want to do this. It would be nice to have him cheering for me but I suppose that is too much to ask for. It pisses me off but makes me want to do this even more.
Tomorrow I will post my starting weight and start documenting my daily menu. Wish me luck!
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